i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
