I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?