I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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