please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that