I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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