I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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