the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?