i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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