Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
