I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
