Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
