i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
