He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
