you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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