matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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