Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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