my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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