yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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