after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
