I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We have started to decorate penises.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
