He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
