i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
