he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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