His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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