Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
