Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
