How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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