I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
