just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
