also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
