oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
