apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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