u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
what the fuck happened to the tacos
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
