thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
this boner is exhausting
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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