I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
