Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
