I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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