Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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