When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
