His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
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It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
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Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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