All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
