Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
