i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
