did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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