Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
