Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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