every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
