her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
