Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
