you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
