Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize