final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So squirting runs in the family.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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