I want to make a zoo with you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
