I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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