I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
