You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I smell like Dick and happiness
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
