He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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