She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
