i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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