bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
