i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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