Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
