Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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