I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
