So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize
