she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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