Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
