There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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