how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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