I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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