So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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