Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize