i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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