My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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