He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
