How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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