Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
