At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize