nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
